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by Harlan Jacobsen
Singles classes can change your life. You can expect to change in small ways at first. For example, you will be less upset by an unkind remark that someone says; or maybe you will begin to see that it is not selfish to live your life as you see fit; but it is selfish to insist that others live as you like. Your work will take on a fresh look, and your relations with others will become smoother.
Going to classes is like going to the grocery store. You pick up milk, get eggs, and bread, you stop at the meat counter, canned goods, and you get fresh fruits and vegetables, you pay for it and then you go off and leave the groceries. A silly thing to do, you say, yet many come to classes and pick up all kinds of ideas and concepts they can use, yet fail to take them home with them and use them.
In good singles classes, you need not be concerned about results; they arrive easily and naturally. It is like a tv program you want to see. You put it on the right channel, let it run and when the right time comes you wont miss the program; it will happen naturally.
A person often fails to achieve personal liberation and growth because they are unaware or unsure that such a state actually exists. In other words, you dont try to improve yourself in one quantum leap because you are not sure that it is real, that it is something that you can do. It is like someone promised you a wonderful castle to move into, that it was just ahead. You wont move toward it unless you are pretty sure it is there, or can at least see it, just a touch, through the dense fog. When you are sure it really is there, no matter how dimly you see it at first, you will move towards it faster and faster as you are more sure it is really there for you to take.
Many single peoples most tormenting fear is that there is no alternative road to the one they are on now, and it is painfully enduring. They cant see or believe there is a castle in the fog. We say there is an alternative road, but you must have rebellion, courage, and be willing to abandon your safe secure known roads and head down some unfamiliar roads on an exciting adventure toward these new discoveries. A new life of abundant happiness can be found, only when you become aware that it does exist for you.
That is the whole thing, the key, in one sentence. We must remember that it exists within us, not without. We already have everything within us that we need, but we must become aware that we have the greatest of all possessions. We have restrictive old programming (beliefs) and we are afraid to let go of this programming. It may be because we are afraid of the unknown, we are afraid new programming may be worse, so we refuse to change. You feel-- I am familiar with my old programming so I wont give it up; I might change just a little bit, but not too much.
When people become ruined financially due to a depression, etc., and really hit bottom, they will throw out all of their old programming and go on to far greater riches than they had ever before known possible. Whereas the person who has three square meals lined up and no really bad prospects refuses to change or "rock the boat," so to speak.
The person who wants out of the marriage, for example, and has something else lined up usually goes on and on, repeating the failure of one relationship after another. The so-called victim is much better off (being totally destroyed by the divorce, though it seems like a tragedy at the time) and winds up in much better shape later than the divorcer.
It is like a rickety building that wasnt built very soundly. If it is totally destroyed, you can build a new, completely different building on a strong foundation from the ground up. The other person, if they change at all, merely makes a few surface remodeling changes in the same old building, and the basic poor unsound structure is still there and it falls apart in every storm.
The closer you can come to completely getting rid of all your old programming, the better off you will be. What programming you put back in place of it can then be examined and put in only if it is sound and has a strong basis for your new life.
It is like a person going along carrying two heavy rocks, weary all the time, and making little headway. Finally someone shows him the light and says, "Why do you persist in carrying those heavy rocks?" He says, "Gee, I didnt know I was doing that to myself, I thought I was supposed to carry these heavy rocks." Once he drops these pointless burdens, he is no longer tired. He has new vigor and goes on to greater things. Everybody is carrying a load of energy-robbing rocks. The sooner we start getting rid of them, the sooner we will walk lighter in this world.
So your new happy life as a single is not so much held up by needing to add in anything; it is more a process of getting rid of old things. It is like going down a path that is grown over with vines and weeds. It is mostly a process of clearing away this mess of negativeness, fear, unrealistic ideas, expectations and assumptions so that we can see the real clear path, probably for the first time.
We usually think in terms of adding, of building, constructing, etc. Our new freedom and happiness as a single lies basically in the other direction: getting rid of things.