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Singles Scene News
PO Box 10159
Scottsdale AZ 85271

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Sexual Singles part 4
By Harlan Jacobsen

One of the biggest steps of progress in improving your singles sex life is to admit that you are a sexual novice (even though you have 20 years experience, or more correctly, one year's experience 20 times) and that you probably have up until now only tapped a small percentage of your potential sexual enjoyment and fulfillment.


The real fools are those who say, "Ha, Hal You mean you have to go to a class to learn about sex?" Yes, sex is 100% learned (the urge is inherited) and most are rather bumbling, illiterate about sex so to speak, regardless of the number of sex partners they have had. Why is this? Practically all sex partners will not tell you that you are lacking or how you are lacking in bed because to do so would 'hurt' your feelings terribly or turn you off so they would not get even what they have been getting. The problem also is that you have done it a certain way or have certain programming about sex so long (like playing the piano wrong for 20 years) that someone becoming aware of necessary changes does not mean they are able to correct it. So becoming aware of deficiencies does not make any change, only practicing and developing make the changes a true new part of your sexual capabilities.


Newly divorced are particularly hyper about any criticism regarding their sexual proficiency, their ex having convinced them already that they are totally inadequate, frigid, or 'not a man' or some such. Many doubt their sexual capabilities and this is as a result a good time to take inventory as to where you are and where you want to be. Many have said that as a result of their divorce they made a lot of changes that really changed and expanded their sexual life and if it had not been for their divorce they would never have made the changes they did and would have continued for the rest of their life to have missed a great deal of their sexual potential and fulfillment. Your sexual needs do not turn off because you are alone. So here you are with unfulfilled needs and not much prospect of handling it as a single person comfortable. Right now is a good time to figure out what your options are and what you can do about these human sexual needs that you have.


Our recommendations for now:

1. Make the decision that you are entitled to fill your sexual needs, married or single.

2. Your goal is that sex should be the joy of your life - not stress and hassle.

3. You have another opportunity to really get into sexual fulfillment and you do not have to carry old hang-ups and sexual problems along into new relationships.

4. Now is the time to experiment, gain knowledge, rid yourself of old problems, gain a greater sensuality and expand your potential ability to enjoy sex.

S. You want to gain a new sexual maturity. Sex is usually our most emotionally immature area.

6. You develop a sexual capability and self-esteem that you know you can never be left in a sexual famine again.

The problem is when we become suddenly single, the sexual part of our life is, normally a feast or famine situation. When you get your sexual act together you will know how to comfortably develop great sexual relationships readily and no one can then pull your strings or panic you or manipulate you by their threatening to leave you high and dry sexually.


Like the single fellow who prayed, "Don't stop sending them, Lord; just please, try to spread them out a little more!" When you are in a sexual drought, it seems you lose most of your self-confidence and appear in such a needy position it seems to turn your prospects off. When you get your sexual needs filled comfortably, you seem to develop a confidence in that area as non needy person: and then it seems everyone who was not interested when you had sexual famine, now seems to be interested all at once.


Next issue - How to get out of a drought and what are our sexual options now that you are single

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