smlogo.gif (1109 bytes)

arrow.gif (58 bytes) Home Page
arrow.gif (58 bytes) Club List

EVENTS

arrow.gif (58 bytes) All Singles Dances
arrow.gif (58 bytes) Calendar of Events

Singles News

arrow.gif (58 bytes) National News
arrow.gif (58 bytes) Local News

arrow.gif (58 bytes) Lead Story


arrow.gif (58 bytes) Business Advert.
arrow.gif (58 bytes) Links/information
arrow.gif (58 bytes) Library

Singles Scene News
PO Box 10159
Scottsdale AZ 85271
USA

voice -
(480) 945-6746
info. -
(480) 949-8076
fax -
(480) 945-3766


Email

Sexual Singles, part 6
By Harlan Jacobsen

MANY STILL HAVE PROGRAMMING THAT SAYS I HAVE TO HAVE A SOCIETY SANCTIONED LICENSE TO MAKE LOVE (MARRIAGE)

The problem here is that every time you get in heat, you tend to get married. So what we are dealing with in this series of articles is how do you handle sex outside of marriage, what your options are and if you decide you want to have sex outside of marriage then the question becomes, how do I make sex the joy of my life rather than an uncomfortable hassle?

THERE ARE MANY SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT ABOUT HANDLING SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE

Some say sex outside of marriage is a deadly sin. Others believe that the main reason they are single is so they can enjoy a vast sea of sexual orgies. Somewhere in between seems to be what's happening.
Recent studies by Morton Hunt indicate that approximately 80% of divorced individuals say they have found satisfactory methods of handling their sexual needs outside of marriage within one year after their divorce.

SO FAR WE HAVE ASSUMED YOU HAVE SOME PROSPECTS .....

What we are dealing with here is how do you get from what seems like mutual interest to actually getting in bed together. This sometimes can seem like a million mile trip. We assumed you have learned how to meet people because you know you are never going to be able to love someone you have never met.
Let's say that you do have someone now you have met that you are interested in. Your task has been to get them interested in you.

AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN SINGLE AND OUT DATING FOR AWHILE, YOU DEVELOP A SIXTH SENSE - A RADAR OF WHO IS INTERESTED IN YOU AND WHO ISN'T

In the last issue we talked about the three questions you can use in the meantime to find out if your partner considers you a potential sexual relationship or not. Let's say that you both now know that you are at least interested in each other as sexual prospects but nothing seems to be happening. Or let's say you are interested but your partner shows little interest so somehow you want to get from Point A - slight interest, to Point B - in bed together, sharing a mutual enjoyment.

IF IT TAKES TOO LONG OR IS TOO RUSHED, YOUR CHANCES OF EVER GETTING TOGETHER IN BED ARE VERY POOR

Yes, if you take too long they can mentally drop you from their prospect list and like an airplane that ran out of gas and landed, it takes a lot of energy to ever get it flying again. Waiting too long, the initial magic has worn off and no physical intimacy between you two has developed, there is little steam to carry the relationship forward. Conversely, attempting to rush off to bed when no mental or physical foreplay interest or anticipation arousal has occurred for at least one partner, it may wind up as a turn down that may end it for good or someone
might say "I don't know you well enough yet." (This means you haven't turned me on yet.) As a matter of fact, if it is you who is worrying whether you are ready for making love with this person, then you are not ready. (When you're ready, you'll know.) Sometimes you are both too embarrassed to attempt to arouse interest and desire in one another, too embarrassed to make the first move.

IT IS MORE FUN TO MAKE LOVE TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW .....

So get on with getting to know each other. Get to know each other mentally and physically. If you do not know how to do this, learn how.


REMEMBER??NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF DATE IT IS, NOBODY OWES ANYONE ANYTHING

Nobody needs to feel guilty or under any obligation of any kind. If you wind up in bed making mad passionate love, it is because it is something you WANTED to do. Not something you were pressured into.

MANY NEWLY DIVORCED ARE SEXUAL CRIPPLES - WALKING WOUNDED

Their sexual psychological scars have not all healed yet and may require special handling and understanding. They are often between a rock and a hard spot. They may fear nobody any good would ever want to make love with them and if someone special does want to, then they are afraid they will fail to please their new partner or somehow be inadequate. So they want people to convince them they are desirable bed material BUT at the same time are afraid to actually get in bed because then they may be (found out) inadequate in sex as their ex? convinced them they were.

THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO GET THE "INTEREST IN GOING TO BED TOGETHER" TO EXCEED THE INHIBITIONS ABOUT HAVING SEX TOGETHER

One way is through physical contact. Obviously, if you can't get within three feet of them, this is hard. Physical contact is relatively easy normally and it is fun but it is sort of a form of hypnosis and if someone snaps their fingers at the wrong time their partner may become awake and struggling and you may have to start all over again.

Physical intimacy has advancing stages of intimacy. The crude person might start right out with genital grabbing and succeed but most of the time if you try this short cut, you will be thrown right out of the game. So we start from the beginning and proceed in steps. With advancing stages of physical intimacy either partner may call a halt at any point if they are not comfortable at this stage with their partner. You may advance past this stage later after becoming adjusted to previous stages.

THERE ARE 12 STEPS OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY OR BODILY CONTACT

It starts with simple handholding and proceeds eventually to #12 - genital contact. We will not go into the steps here (We have run this in other articles) but simply note it can take 6 weeks or 6 minutes to get from No. 1 to No. 12. Arriving at 12 does not automatically put you in bed together. However, you do need at least some physical contact stages to gain familiarity.

When you are involved in physical contact, it is essential that you give your partner physical feedback. Getting no clues thrown back is like playing pingpong by yourself. When your partner advances to the next step of physical intimacy if you do duplicate it or advance to the next step then the whole thing can be speeded up. When you get close to going to bed with each other, if someone unbuttons something for example, then the other unbuttons something. (This is feedback.)

THE SECOND WAY IS MENTAL FOREPLAY
Getting mental foreplay going gets a partner and you breathing heavy with anticipation. The point is reached when the anticipation exceeds your and their inhibitions about having sex together. This is when you can say, 'Let's go to my place.'

One example of this: Let's say you are at a party and are off alone with someone who seems mutually attracted. Ask if they would like to play a little verbal game with you. The game is entitled 'What I'd do with you if we weren't at this party.' Now if this game goes well and advances well verbally with good suggestions on both sides, usually you will not be at the party more than thirty minutes. You will be off together somewhere else. doing something else. The crude person may succeed, once in a while starting out with a sentence, would you like to go to bed with me? They also get hit with a purse a lot !

Learning how to verbally turn on yourself and your partner at the same time is another whole chapter.

EXPERIENCED SINGLES CAN OFTEN BE IN BED TOGETHER WITHOUT EITHER ONE EVER SAYING ANYTHING .....

It just happens??you do not start out with this ability normally but it readily develops. Sometimes sparks fly and you both know it. When you obviously can see that your partner has made the decision to go to bed with you - why waste time? When you both know it, you just simply put yourself together at an appropriate place and get with it.

LOVE AND SEX ARE NOT ESSENTIAL .....

Respect, warmth and understanding are.

People are nice
Making love is real keen
Making love with a nice person
is really keen and nice.
I am proud to be a person who
can do keen things with a nice person.

NEXT ISSUE: Will I do dumb things in bed and turn them off? Will they ever want to go to bed with me again?


Visit our Northern states paper: cslogo7.gif (1141 bytes)