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Why stay single

The only person that can change your life is you

copyright 1997 by Harlan L. Jacobsen

What’s wrong with you, why aren’t you married? That’s what you hear when you are single for any period of time. My reply might be, why aren’t you single?

They wonder: Am I emotionally mature? Sexual problems, irresponsible, what is wrong with me? Prove you are not a single freak?

Well, I think I am quite well adjusted, either as a single or a married person. It just so happens that I find I have both advantages and I see no reason why any single nowadays has to be married to be socially acceptable or to have a happy life.

Some of the marrieds that I know, I wonder about them; why can’t they get up the courage to get out of or dissolve a marriage that is tearing them apart, destroying their lives?

Marriage is not healthy for the development of the individual. Right now I am growing and expanding my life whereas it is very unsettling for a family when a member is expanding his life economically, socially or intellectually.

Right now being single is right for me, I don’t think I missed the boat: I feel I am on it. What am I really missing as a single? Being single is a little more hassle and takes up more of your valuable time perhaps than being married but it has many advantages. Quite often singles tell me they have their life organized as a single so that they have the best parts of being married without the bad parts.

Yes, I could list pages of advantages of being single but I would be looked upon as black-hearted Bart, out to destroy society by tearing marriages apart. As I said before, there are advantages both ways. I caution those trying to run away from unhappiness by jumping from marriage to single or hurrying to get married if they are single, that neither is going to cure their basic unhappiness. That is something you have to get together yourself.

Nobody is doing it to you, and nobody can make you happy. The only person that can change your life is you.

My attitude has changed so that now I am no longer looking on single life as something temporary that I am going to escape from in due time. It turns out to be pretty good, so if I get married it is going to have to look even better.

Many people figure that all single women want to get married. On the other side, most figure that all single men only want to play around. Both are myths.

A good percentage of the mature adult single women that I know have no intentions or designs on getting married again. They have found that there is no real reason to get married again. The scope of their life has expanded so much as a single that they can’t see how they would ever want to get back to where they used to be.

Most formerly married men that I know personally are looking for one really worthwhile relationship and if they ever were interested in playing around, they got over that a long time ago.

So despite society’s preconceived notions, I am not single because there is something wrong with me. I am single because I had the courage to get out of an unhappy marriage and move on to something better.

And no, I am not single or staying single because I like to play around. Single life is right for me now because I have the freedom to expand my life. At a later time when I have everything together, then marriage may be the right thing.